Welcome to Mind Control...

Well, actually it's got nothing to do with mind control. What it has everything to do with is the completion of a database detailing the personal information of every single individual living in the United States of America, and possibly the world.

Yes, I'm crazy, and yes I lose sleep over these things...

I receive a lot of junkmail, a product of my younger days when I'd sign up for anything with an address line on it in the hopes of getting more mail...not sure why, but that's irrelevant to the matter at hand. Recently, due to the fact that junkmail is more irritating than a fat child in "Princess" bootyshorts, and my recently becoming more environmentally aware (I'd rather not receive it than have to recycle it), I decided to submit several "opt-out" requests to various marketing companies around the country to stave off the landslide of credit card offers and promo-catalogues for Metamucil products (seriously). You'd think that it would be as simple as providing the advertisers with your name and address, and bam, you're off the list.


You must first call in to the marketing company's automated "opt-out" system and provide them with very detailed personal information. I gave them my name, address, previous address, phone number, social security number, driver's license number, date of birth, marital status, and employer information. "They" now had all my personal tidbits, along with an extensive voice recording, more than enough to capture the gamut of my individualized vocal inflections in order to accurately recreate my voice if deemed necessary. If you don't believe this to be possible, peep this shit out:
After all my data was collected, an automated message played, informing me that a confirmation letter would be sent to me within a week, and that it should be returned immediately upon arrival to guarantee that my name would be removed from their mailing list. The letter was received, I read over the simple form, wrote down a few requested bits of info about myself, signed the bottom, folded the letter up, popped it into an envelope, and licked it shut. Then I got to thinking about why they needed this process to be so complicated, why they needed so much personal data...not only did they they have the above mentioned personal specifics from the phone call, but now, with this "confirmation letter" they would be receiving an example of my handwriting, my signature, and my fingerprints, all along with a nice dollop of saliva for DNA purposes...that shit does last, and can be accessed at a later date:
In other words, they've got a nice little collage of Oldie, all given voluntarily, to be utilized for possibly nefarious purposes, or sold to outside parties, such as the government. My identity could be stolen, I could be framed for any crime, I could one day bump into my clone...none possibilities I'd like to realize, so I passed, throwing the "opt-out" envelope into the shredder. Better to get some junkmail than to give the State another string on which to pull this particular puppet...I'm on to you fuckers.

Sorry to expose you to my special brand of crazy...now on with our regular programming.

1 comment:

luckygreen said...

Did anybody request info on your solar plexes?