Catching Up

I'm not sure an apology would be appropriate for such a dismal effort in maintaining this blog. While Olde and I have our reasons, none should have kept us from writing at least 5-10 a month. Hopefully Olde's latest blog, as well as this from me, will reinvigorate us and our faithful readers, too (unless you've already given up on us and no longer visit our site)!

Anyway, as Olde mentioned, he's had to deal with moving, looking for a new job, preparing for a baby, and being a housewife. His excuses are definitely legitimate. Mine, on the other hand, are not as valid. In fact, there is only one real reason that I've been slacking: I'm in love and my head's in the clouds (one of the one's that looks like a castle). I know it shouldn't prevent me from writing, but since I've met Sydney, we have gone a total of three days apart (not including my trip to Colorado). As you can imagine, blogging has not been a priority.

So, in what may be a feeble attempt at re-sparking the literary greatness that is Tales From the Stump, we continue forth. The following is a summary of what I've been up to the last few months....

- Despite being in Portland for 2.5 years now, I've only been to the Oregon coast a couple of times. A couple months ago, I made my third trip. Syd and I went to Cannon Beach, where we did our best to find Chester Copperpot and One-Eyed Willy. We never found them, nor the Goonies, but we did have a good time chomping on some Dorittos, drinking wine, tossing the football around, and snuggling under a blanket. The only negative to this trip was our less-than-fulfilling dinner at Mo's. We were both in the mood for seafood, and fish and chips in particular. What we got at Mo's were perfectly cut, rectangular frozen fish sticks. It was quite disappointing.

- We've made a couple trips to Amboy recently. While the first trip was to introduce Syd Vicious to the folks, the trips have also served to clear our heads a bit and get some fresh air. In the process, Syd was able to witness an open mic at the Amboy museum; multiple nasty dogs from Wimpy; retarded roosters that cockle-doodle-doo at all hours of the day and night; Mike rant and rave about preverts; thousands of frogs having an orgy; and the daily coffee shop gossip session, where all the regulars meet downtown for espresso and the day's newest rumors.

- My best friend, Matt (aka Mixle, aka Cock Slinga), visited the Stump with his girlfriend, Tiffany. The four of us did the couples thing for much of the weekend, as we showed them around Portland trying to convince them to move up here. On the night they arrived, the four of us went to Dug Fir, where we caught up with some drinks by the fire. The next day we walked around the Pearl District, eventually settling in at Jameson Square where we watched Matt show off his parkour skills (this was one of the themes to their trip...Matt free ran all over the place. If you don't know what parkour or free running is, peep it on youtube. In short, it involves running up buildings, jumping and climbing over things, and doing flips.). While they were here, we also played some Scattegories at a park where Matt entertained us with his answers (apparently the word "mail" is a four-letter word that begins with "s." Also, in case you didn't know, mail is something you distribute). Anyway, they talked about moving up here, which gives me an instant hard-on thinking about.

- Also that weekend, H-Block was reunited as another old friend flew in to the Stump. Yes yes, y'all, Tony the Armenian was in town (leaving only Ophir as the missing H-Block link). This time, however, he spared Portland his shenanigans and left no blood or police reports in his trail. We did all get together a couple nights, though, and shared drinks while talking about old memories. He was kind enough to let Old borrow his burglars mask for the night, as you can see in the picture here. If you know Tony, it wouldn't even occur to ask why he had a burglar's mask...that's just how he gets down.

-Syd and I recently bonded with some 40s. Well, I had a 40, Syd held it down with some 22s of Steele Reserve (no, not technically a 40, but she proved she can definitely get down with some malt liquor). Naturally, we got hyphy to some Bay Area slumpers, played some cards, danced, fought, laughed, and told some of our less than proud memories from our high school years. While bumpin' the Yay Area slumpers, Syd got hyphy, went dumb, and did the gig. It was quite entertaining to see.

- Recently went to Cirque du Soleil. Syd and I got to see Corteo underneath the big-top, capping off a date night that also involved some bomb Italian at Iorio (while the food was good, the wait staff wouldn't leave us alone, as they constantly asked us how we were doing or if we needed anything. Their constant harassment caused me to lose focus, and I forgot to bring with me the bottle of wine that we bought). The main event was sicketating, though. The performance included acrobats, midgets, tumblers, and, from what I gathered from their magical ability to fly, gypsies. 'Twas a grand night, indeed...brilliant even.

In all, the last few months have been pretty fun and eventful. I'm sorry I haven't shared much in print, but I'll do my best to keep you all posted on happenings here in the Stump. After all...it is almost summer, which means Olde will soon break out his bike and boombox, 40s will be consumed at a higher frequency, and the sun will give us some much needed energy. It won't be long before you are all once again inundated with tales from the stump.


A bit of this, a bit of that...

Posts have become less than frequent lately, and I apologize to you, our loyal readers. I'm still out hitting the streets, e'y day all day, looking for work, and Jeff has a girlfriend, which if you know him, explains everything. As I'm beginning to become somewhat dispirited with my employment search (not sure if it's the economy, or just that I'm that goddamned overqualified, but I can't even seem to get a job tossing pizza, moving rental vehicles, delivering coffee, packing boxes, or bussing tables), I'll try and harness some of my lack of desire to search out crap work on Craigslist and deliver a few more posts before the month's demise.

-R.I.P. Lagniappe, the formerly wonderful restaurant serving up steaming plates of Cajun goodness...you will be missed. Kes and I discovered this place when it was a itty-bitty joint on Broadway and instantly fell in love. Emboldened by its success (or perhaps rising rent?), the owners moved the operation into a cavernous space on bustling Alberta Street. Unfortunately, patrons never really came through, and on many of our visits, the spot looked to be imitating a ghost town...this lack of support killed those crazy Cajuns, and now I'm left with nothing but impossible dreams of their mouth-watering beef brisket, pleasingly-acidic collard greens, Star Destroyer-sized Po'boys, and crisply-hot hush puppies.

-In related news, one of my favorite Ethiopian restaurants, Mudai, appears to have folded, as well. Our new apartment is much closer and I've walked past the sunken storefront many a time now, and have yet to see an Open sign. The doro tibs was magical. R.I.P. Mudai? Say it ain't so.

-An updated (well, 6 month old) photo of the killacat, Frisco, mean mugging ya'll sucka asses.

- Another Only In Portland item: In a recent Willamette Week article, Kyle Burris, a candidate for Mayor, stated the following as the most pressing issues facing Portland today..."The rampant gentrification, perpetuated by yuppie scum, and City Hall. The corruption of our culture, perpetuated by the goddamn hipsters." Another great response, this time by candidate Vladislav Davidzon (perennial winner of the Coolest Name Contest)..."The biggest issue facing our city is that our media believes that we can state the issues in 20 words or less." In. Your. Face. Media. Scum.

-A few interesting websites I've stumbled across recently.
UrbanEdibles ...for if I'm having a craving for free filberts. Make sure you peep the listing for "corn niblets," as it's delicious.

Basic Instructions ...a charming little comic, full of life, laughter, and possibly corn niblets.

Guerrilla Gardening ...please, if anyone is interested in teaming up to get this done, email me, and let's go botany bombing.

Iran Graffiti ...I love repressed, 20 years behind the times, graffiti. Most of these burners and tags remind me of the shit I came across in Chile a few years back. A lot of really bad pieces, but also a few good examples of delightful Banksy-inspired rebellion.

-I really like this photo of a man slowly murdering a tree outside of my former abode.

-Some art piece that snuck out of the gallery and grabbed my attention on a dismally dark and drunken December night. I couldn't but shed a smile.
Lots of love to you all, and stay with us, we'll get back on track soon. I hope.


Alaskan Bush Journey .2

Well, that was certainly more than a day or two, but who's counting...anyway, enjoy this second helping of photos from our trip to Alaska.


First thing my father noticed upon entering town was this official City message board with a lovingly handcrafted note attached proclaiming that the water was currently unusable...though we continued to use it, and the nervous ticks have yet to diminish.

This cute little bugger is what's affectionately known as a Shit Lilly in these here parts. Put your nose in it and it really does smell like the crusty asshole of a dead hobo.

The typical trappings of an Alaskan porch: random beach finds, illegal whale bones, and a string of deceased weasels...for sale. My dad bought three.

This is Kes' father's home, one of the nicest in town. That's the boardwalk out front (PA doesn't have any cars, so no streets required). Below is a drift log we hauled into the back bay from a mile away, tied up and waiting to be chainsawed, then axed for firewood. That little row boat is David's primary form of transportation around town.

Me holding up a 75 lb. halibut. Note the rubber gloves, which are worn to ward off the notorious slime halibuts secrete...impossible to wash off and smells like Hoggle's earwax.

My dad's slightly bigger fish (he was sure to rub that in the entire trip). This picture was taken moments before the gaff hook slipped out of my hands and impaled my fathers paunch, located above that ridiculous cock-guard he's wearing. I won't say it was on purpose, but that thing was pissing me off.

The group showing off the day's catch. Our friend and guide Ryan in the back, then from L-R, Squirt, Old, Pops, Kes. Lot's of meat that we're still eating on (email me if you want some, as I'm dying to be able to put some ice cream in my freezer once more).

Pops spending some quiet time alone in the Back Bay via The Skiff. It seems peaceful, but he returned with 3,472 mosquito bites and itched like a scabies victim the remainder of the trip.