2.06.2008

In a fight, Sergio would crush Roy.













Surprising absolutely no one who cares to follow the Portland Trailblazers (a growing number nationally), our recent and highly scientific poll shows that 46% of readers favor Brandon Roy amongst the team's starting five. The guy is truly a gem...the reigning Rookie of the Year (there's been much comparing this title to his acronym-prone last name, R.O.Y.), he was recently chosen by the league's coaches as a reserve player in the upcoming All-Star game. The last player to be chosen with this little amount of NBA experience (it's his sophomore year) was LeBron James in 2005, which tells you something. This guy is a true leader for the other Blazers, holding the team together with a calm maturity not often seen outside of 10-year veteran players. He's single-handedly won many games with 4th quarter explosions of skill and aggressive ballerism, and has really helped the team as a whole congeal into a serious threat in their division, possibly propelling Portland towards the Playoffs for the first time since (I think) 2003. Folks in Portland who don't even give a shit about basketball think this guy can walk on water.

Other results for your "favorite starter":
-23% LaMarcus Aldridge (my personal favorite, if only for his perpetually cheerful face, like he's balling while hooked up to a portable morphine-drip)
-15% Joel Przybilla (really showing a boost in effort over last year's ball-buster of a season...sorry, I couldn't resist)
-7% Martell Webster (the guy's a killer at the perimeter, and really needs to get the ball more often)
-7% Steve Blake (welcome back, bud...your workman-like effort was sorely missed last year)

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Overwhelmingly, Portlanders love the gypsy-folk, with a whopping 50% selecting Sergio Rodriguez as their favorite back-up Blazer. This also comes as no surprise to the fans, as Sergio aka Spanish Chocolate aka El Magico aka La Pata Negra aka The Andalusian Mystic (he's my second-cousin) is leading the league in a variety of statistics. Despite averaging less than 10 minutes per game (wake the fuck up, Nate!), Sergio is averaging an astounding 13.8 hexes per game, 97.2 no look/eyes closed while meditating mid-air passes, 3.6 full court buzzer beaters (or as his best friend Aldridge would intone, "buzzahbeetahs"), and at least one opposing assistant coach fatality each quarter. Yes, you read it right, this kid is the greatest player to ever hold the rock. And apparently, Portlanders at large agree. By the way, that picture of him to the right is of him hovering from one end of the court to the other, not of him attempting a jump shot...no that, my friends, involves flips, transporting, and waves of gypsy fire.

Your other "favorite backup" players:
-25% Raef LaFrentz (my mind just exploded typing that...he's the worst player on our team and the highest paid...who the fuck signed off on that?)
-16% Travis Outlaw (frankly, I'm surprised this number isn't higher...this kid has won several games for us, and has miles of room to grow)
-8% James Jones (the sharpest shooter of the bunch, this dude is a fucking sniper...and also out for the next 6 games due to knee troubles)
-0% = the amount of love "Big Body, Itty-Bitty Head" Channing Frye and "Assassin" Jarrett Jack received. Step it up, guys.

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Now that that's out of the way, please turn your attention to this month's extremely simple poll, asking whether you like the polls we've been doing...or not. If you'd like them to continue, but feel that those presented so far have been lackluster, feel free to leave a comment to this post with your suggestions for future polls. Thanks, folks.

4 comments:

Ian said...

I voted for Raefer. I had vote from several different computers in the PSU library because you can only vote once per computer. This task occupied the better part of an afternoon.

Oldie said...

You are a sad, sad man.

Ian said...

Sad? If by "sad" you mean a loyal Blazers fan who appreciates every player, especially the players who are glued to the bench and love everything Kansas, than, yes, I am a sad, sad man.

Sluggy said...

Olde! I thought I saw gypsy qualities in you - catching you doing flips down grocery aisles when you thought no one was looking. Other 'talents' to accompany your many mystic powers such as floating over mountains, parting seas, and causing general rucus we like to call "mother nature". Now it is all clear - a second cousin... Of course!