Oh joyous fun

Oldie and I have been quite adept at finding and/or creating adventures in Stumptown. I've now lived in the Stump for a year, Oldie and his wife, Kesia, for two. In that time, we've been to roller derbies, had drunken screaming matches with trains on the Steel Bridge, come close to fighting random Bilbo Baggins look-a-likes (Rusty, you got lucky), had pillow fights downtown, come close to being arrested (damn Taco Bell manager), and impersonated Santa Clause with hundreds of other revelers.

It's been joyous, indeed, but we've grown bit bored with our recent adventure-seeking ways. We've decided it's time to spice things up a scoash (that's for you, Kes). To add flare to our now mundane adventures, Oldie and I, after much deliberation, have decided to make a change. After viewing the files of US culture-seeking foreign exchange students from Japan, we will carefully select one lucky "participant" to join us in our adventures. The goal here, aside from our pure enjoyment, is to educate and mold. Yes, we will turn a young, repressed, and innocent Japanese boy into a thrill-seeking, heckling, and hipster-hating goonie.

As sick as it may sound, think about this. Will this child, in his homeland, be able to drink 40s, pillow fight in the streets, and harrass people while dressed as Santa Clause? The answer, you'll quickly discover, is NO. You see, while we'll get entertainment from our new sidekick, we'll also be waging a war of liberation. This poor young soul will soon be able to express himself freely while also declaring his full individuality. It's a win-win situation.

To get the ball rolling, we're now accepting donations so we can fully subsidize this foreign exchange student's education. Please leave a comment with contact information if you're interested.


pork said...

Are you going to offer this Japanese exchange student residency at the Parry Center? After you and Oldie "teach" him everything he needs to know in American culture, he will need a "sane" place to live.

Anonymous said...

You've got to be kidding!? That kid cannot really be wearing that shirt! What is the story with the shirt? -Mikey