Everyone needs a kiddie pool

With the longest day of the year just behind us, we are officially in summer. Although that just means Portlanders can now expect approximately 12 days of sun before the 10-month winter rains begin again, it is still time to rejoice. And what better way to celebrate than to risk skin cancer and soak in some Vitamin D (it cures colon cancer...I just read it in the paper).

On a recent weekend in which temperatures soared into the 90s for two full days (that takes care of 30% of our allotted sun for the year), Syd and I did our best to fully energize our solar plexes. It was a two-day adventure that resulted in 12th degree burns, near fatal traffic mishaps, and a lot of cursing (ironically, wishing the rain would just come back). I'll explain all of this in depth below.

Day one:
Syd and I went to Freddy's, where we realized all of our shopping dreams. We bought a cooler (for beer to dehydrate us, and water to rehydrate us), a whiffle ball and bat, a hacky sack, a tennis ball with accompanying velcro mitts, beach towels, and some snacks. After navigating through the hordes of people who also take great pleasure in shopping at Fred Meyer, we set off for Sauvie Island. For those not familiar with Sauvie Island, it is an oasis just outside the city. Indeed, it is an island, mostly inhabited by hippy farmers, but also home to some great country scenery, as well as small beaches. After getting lost in some farmland, Syd and I finally found a beach. We parked, sans permit (we wrote a note for the rangers, informing them we didn't know where to purchase them), and took our goods to the sandy shore. Because of the heat, and mostly due to my sweet, sensitive Irish skin, we were pretty diligent about applying sun screen...sort of. Somehow I managed to protect my back, shoulders, face, neck, and legs with lotion, but I forgot to apply sunscreen to my stomach, chest, feet, and the top of my hands. I didn't realize this was a problem, though, because Syd and I were too occupied playing catch with our velcro mitts and forming our own floater mob gang (simply done by getting enough people in the water on floaty devices...however, they must display certain carefree, gypsy-esque, and slight pirate qualities). By the time we got done picnicking, playing with our various novelties, doing a crossword, playing in the cold water (Syd discretely warmed the water with her pee...thanks, babe), and despising the growing crowds, I noticed a sharp pain on my hands, feet, and front torso. I also noticed a curious and alarming change in color on my skin. What's more, this new, red coloring on my skin had finger prints, marking where I had applied sunscreen to the rest of my body, but leaving a vulnerable void on the other half. Yes folks, I was burned. Syd managed to escape the sun's wrath because, for one, her pigment allows her to tan and, secondly, she was smart enough to put sunscreen all over her body. While our field trip to the Island of Sauvie was an enjoyable one, I'm still debating whether the weeks of snowing dead skin from my chest and stomach was worth it. Oh well....lesson learned.

Day two: After sufficiently frying my skin and over-energizing our solar plexes the day before, we needed a down day. Even though I was in extreme pain, and not able to completely stretch out my body for fear my skin would rip off, I still felt the need to enjoy the sun. That was before 11 am, though, when the heat was still fairly tolerable. By noon, we were at a loss for an escape route from the sun. Our apartment was bloody hot, and if we went outside, we would have melted; also, I could not handle going to a movie or the mall, despite the temptation of their air conditioners. After cursing the heat for an hour or so, and realizing we were close to getting so grumpy we would soon start kick-boxing each other, we had to do something. Gelatto sounded good and refreshing, so we took off to NE 28th Avenue and hit up Stecatto Gelatto. After devouring our faux-Itallian treats, we drove to a forested park, where we thought we'd be able to nap in the shade. However, even the 90 degree shade was untolerable, so, thanks to Syd's brilliant idea, we went to Fred Meyer to find what they had to offer for alternatives to heat stroke. Syd bought us a kiddie pool without any hesitation. In our immediate fulfillment, we didn't realize that this thing was too big to put in the back seat of her car, nor did we have any way of tying it down. So, as we lugged the hard plastic shell through the parking lot, we discussed what would be the best way to get it home. In our infinite wisdom, we figured we could just put the pool on top of the car, roll the windows down, and each grab a side to hold it down. And that's what we did. With the hard shell on top, now making the car look like a turtle, we drove up 39th Avenue to our street, barely making it home without causing some traffic snafu. Without delay, we placed the pool on the lawn behind our apartment complex, filled it up with water, grabbed a couple beers, and hopped in. And how joyous it was. It didn't matter that we looked liked a couple go-tards hanging out in a kiddie pool outside of an apartment complex, for we found refuge from the heat. I would seriously recommend you all go out and get one yourselves.

On both of these hot days, we were able to stay out late and enjoy the clear skies and cooler weather at night. To make ourselves look even nerdier, we camped outside the apartment complex at night and looked for UFOs. We didn't see any, but we did see bumbs scuffle by, as they collected bottles and cans from our dumpster. This was enough to take the party inside, ending our first weekend of summer fun.